im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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