So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
