are you still at the devil's house?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
