he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
