dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
