Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
