sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
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i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
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Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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