dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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