We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
