i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
