I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
