im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
