.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
