I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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