How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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