This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
