She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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