Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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