mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
