Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
