I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
