I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
