Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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