And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
