Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
