Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
