she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
