I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
