I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
