I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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