Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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