I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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