I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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