Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
