Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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