I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
