Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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