when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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