My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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