I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
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it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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