tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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