I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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