dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
