Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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