Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
