We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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