Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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