Apparently you make a good broom.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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