Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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