Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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