Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
