Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
