also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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