There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
