Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
