Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
