i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
