I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
