Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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