Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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