its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
