I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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