i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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