I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
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I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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