and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
