Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
