You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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