I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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