i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I want is dick and wine.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
