I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
