Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
