he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize