I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
