Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
