hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
