Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
