When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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