My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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