omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
