i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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