the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
