She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She told me I should be a condom model.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
