Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
