I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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