your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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