you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
