If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
