Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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