it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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